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Monday, May 18, 2009

I laugh in the face of chinese torture

Oh my God.

The clinic is a very very special kind of torture. Very very special.

45 to 60 patients a day.

Today 3 doctors were absent from work. But dutiful, competent little me was unfortunately not one of them. I can be really annoyingly dutiful - this is very much to my own detriment I think.

THUS... guess what awaited me today at work...???
EVERYTHING.
Everything was waiting for me.

Oh it's no problem though! I simply waved my magic stethoscope and miraculously all my patients looked like male models.
So that was cool - examining 45-60 well-oiled well-defined torsos, not a bad way to spend the day. I went home satisfied that I had a great career and thanked my magic stethoscope for a job well done.

I wish.

Every single patient today, despite their normal uncontrolled hypertension and diabetes - brought a freaking SHOPPING LIST of problems to their consultations. The clinic has specific days for certain issues. Today was diabetic day. They knew this, having been diabetics and attending the clinc longer than I've been alive.

Yet they saved up the last 25 years worth of niggling medical problems, shoved them in their green pick 'n pay shopping bags and then poured them all out onto the desk in the consultation room. With 45- 60 patients, and a few hours in the day - this is NOT FAIR!

Not fair on me! Not fair on the patients waiting to be seen. NOT FAIR MOMMY NOT FAIR!

PEOPLE! I'm here to assess your Diabetes and it's side effects.

I'm not here to:

*Apply for a disability grant. You have no grounds for a grant. Unless obesity and non-compliance count, you do not qualify!

*Write letters to the freaking traffic department so you can park in the disability bay right next to the mall entrance. LAZINESS is not a medical condition. Stupidity maybe - maybe I should write you a letter for that.

*Diagnose the skin tag that has been present on your ass for the last 12 years.


*Listen to you moan that you don't have taxi money and that I should give you some so you can get to the referral centre I'm sending you to...when ACTUALLY you are spending up to 40 bucks a day on cigarettes. NO. NO. A thousand times NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

And so on. And so forth...

inhale.
exhale.
inhale.
exhale.

stay away from the sharp scissors.

Today was horrible. I think it's getting to me now. I have 6 weeks left in this place. Must stay sane until then...

By the way - did anyone see the new Star Trek movie? I have never even watched ONE episode of Star Trek but I totally loved it. I especially loved the doctor and the cool things he got to treat in space. I want to be a doctor on a spaceship in space! Someone invent time travel already so I can go there! I'm sure there's no diabetes in the spaceship in the future.

6 comments:

Ketan said...

LOL, your post was so diabetic...er... sweet. Seriously, all the best for preserving your sanity! And a wish of even greater utility--may your colleagues return soon enough.

I've got used to reading really enjoyable posts written by you, and it's been so easy to totally forget that you deserve one particular compliment--you write REALLY well.

You keep very busy, but if you find time, would love to have your comments/feedback/opinion on some of my posts.

TC.

dr S said...

Thanks Ketan! I'm a girl, so of course, we are always happy to hear compliments!

My plan is to take some time off at the end of this community service year and try to do some writing - see if I can develop it into something worthwhile - it makes me happy to write, and it's easy for me.

I will be scanning through your blog right this instant!

Ketan said...

You mean writing just amateurly or with an eye on making some profit. If it's the latter, it might just prove a bit challenging, even with your kind of skill. But all the best, either ways!

Interesting that you still see yourself as a girl, and not a woman, and maybe that explains how you're able to take all these challenges in your stride without getting excessively philosophical or discouraged, or may be that doesn't show through in your blogs :)

TC.

Geraldine said...

YEs!! do it! write more my fair doctor and become an international roaming writing doctor.

Lauren said...

So, hypothetically, what would one do about an ass skin tag..?

Dr S said...

You keep it to yourself. And don't tell ANYONE. At least, till after you've married they guy.

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