Show and Tell: Crabs

Doctors are like hookers, I've already explained that in earlier posts.

Doctors are also like priests, in that we are in the very privileged position of being told secrets.

(This humbles me without fail. Every time I am privy to such sacred and volatile information, I am humbled immensely.)

Totally top secret.

Makes me feel like a supercool secret government agent handling top secret state-of-the-nation information.

Like James Bond.

Oh yes!

Did you see how I did that? Are you smart enough to follow my logic?

I just proved that doctors are cool like James Bond.



Uh...Oopsy...sorry!

Don't mind me, just got a little carried away there.

I should have warned you that my mind is usually served twisted, not stirred.


What I mean to say is this:

We are human vestibules for people's secret fears and whispered confessions...

For example, "Hi Doctor, I have crabs."

Which was how my last patient of the day introduced himself.

I was thereafter also politely introduced to the actual crabs, enshrined in a little plastic bag and thrust in my face for me to inspect.

"Hi crabs." I said.

They were dead though, suffocated I think, so they didn't return the greeting.

The recognition of crabs (pubic lice or pediculosis pubis to those in the know) is immediately followed by the feeling that one has them crawling all over one's body.

Suddenly scratching myself vigorously, I thanked him for being clever enough to bring the offending evidence in for me to scrutinize.

I do love it so when my patients play "show and tell" with me.

Reminds me of being at pre-school.

(Hey Teacher! Look what mommy got as a present from the poolboy!)