Monday, November 9, 2009

Retarded Referrals (1)

The front room in this secondary level hospital sees patients referred from the surrounding local day hospitals, and private GP practices.

Nobody, unless presenting in an emergency is supposed to be seen in our unit without a referral letter from a doctor.

However, sometimes we get referrals from retards pretending to be doctors.

(Yes, I said it,you read it, RETARDS)

(The referral letter being a self-written testament to their idiocy.)

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.
I'm not even marginally clever.

But compared to these blunt brained buffoons, I'm like a freaking diamond cutting laser.

This is thus the start of what is sure to be a series of posts about retarded referrals:

If you please....

Dear Colleague,

Patient seems frought with worry! I can't seem to elucidate what's on his mind?
He complains much of genital issues/? crying?/He didn't want medicine and is asking for a chest X-ray. Please see if you can manage.

Thank you,
Dr Retarded.

First lesson in retarded doctor school:

Do not even ATTEMPT a diagnosis.

WTF is going on?!?!?!

For god's sake man! How about taking a proper history instead of raping the man of 200 bucks and then palming him off to someone else to do a proper job. You cannot refer a patient just because they want an X-ray! Did you even examine the man's penis? Or listen to his chest? Or look him in the eye? CARE a little bit why don't you!

Lick your right elbow while trying to bite your left ear and repeat after me:

"I am a retard!"


Ketan said...

Dr. S,

LOL@ 'fraught with worries', and genital 'issues'.

Good, in his attempt to sound 'medical' he didn't say, "the patient has genital tissues"!

I've also seen many cases of quackery. Like some homeopathic doctors giving 'medicines' for inguinal hernia!

But it is really bad when they do it and the condition turns life-threatening. Like, intestinal perforation and ruptured appendix, useless treatment for MIs. And the most unbelievable was, someone prescribing diphenoxylate+atropine (we call it 'lomotil' here) for constipation for 4 days as outpatient treatment!

Yes, I too am amazed by the total lack of conscience of quacks when they practice with full realization that they know nothing about the human body! And still worse, many times actually worsening the patient's condition. I had heard of a quack who used to lick out foreign bodies from the eye (of course, using his tongue)! And then I can't decide who is to be blamed more--the quack, the common people, or the string of governments who have made sure that penetration of education and literacy remains low among common people. :(

What's sometimes even more unfortunate is some quacks who manage to get into medical schools legitimately, pass with good grades, and procure their medical licenses legitimately, but again without knowing almost anything about the human body!

Looking forward to more such posts. They're funny, except the fact that they are real!

And Dr. S, you don't need to even compare yourself with them! That is blasphemous to do. You're really good! And I would not mind having to take treatment from you some day, except that by your own confession you kind of suffer from histrionic personality disorder! :P

Have a good day!


Ketan said...

Incidentally, one of the very interesting blogs I follow had a post on 10 most famous medical quacks (click)!

Dr S. said...

I know! I love the way it was phrased, in a pathetic attempt at persuading us that he had some kind of medical understanding!

This guy was a qualified medical doctor though, not a quack!

Your story about the licking of eyeballs is priceless. Sounds like your experiences are even crazier than mine!

OUr communities often make use of "sangomas" or witch doctors who have prescribed some , excuse my language, fucked up treatments. For example, a BATTERY ACID enema to treat diarrhoea!!! The guy ended up destroying his rectum and needing surgery!!!

Like you, it boggles my mind to think that there are people out there who put their trust in these wack-jobs, and that there are wack-jobs out there who practice such ridiculous treatments!!!

P.s. thank you for the list of 10 unabashed quacks! Highly interesting reading!!!

Spark Star said...


A Battery Acid enema!!

Goodness Gracious. God save us.

Muammil said...

1/9 = irregular


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