Matthew McConaughey is working as a doctor at one of the primary care centres that refer patients to our front room.
This pic is for the ladies...a quick little perv. opportunity before I carry on with the narrative.
Ok, let's continue...
I'm convinced it's him.
And I'm convinced it's a specific type of him, the one from that totally self-indulgent movie, "Surfer, Dude!"
It's either the real him or a very good imposter.
He calls every few weeks with a telephonic referral reminiscent of a stoned surfer's philosophical conversation with his board than an actual medical referral.
Telephone: "tring tring!"
Dr S: "________Casualty Unit, Good-evening, doctor speaking."
Surfer Doc:" Howsit, hey...Look here man...I've like, got this dude here...and like his hand, man, it's like totally fucked, dude!"
Dr S: "Um...What?"
Surfer Doc: "Ja it's like been stabbed, his hand, it's totally fucked hey! Can I send him through to you guys?"
Dr S: (trying to suppress the giggles and sound professional)" Well, I guess if his hand is that fucked then he most certainly needs to come through to us, dude!"
I had no freaking idea what was wrong with that patient, and accepted him purely on the basis that that the poor patient at least warranted an assessment by somebody who was not, like, totally fucked on marijuana!
P.S. Matt McConaughey: If it is you - Pop round to our casualty unit, preferrably topless. Give up this doctor gig you're trying out...it's not really your thing, thinking and all that. When you get here, don't bother talking, just pose. Flick your hair a little, and flex your muscles while flashing me a heart-stopping knee-quivering smile.Be a thing of beauty in this hell hole of a unit and give me a reason to rush to work every day!