Sunday, May 30, 2010

The Secret Organ

There is an organ, possessed by one half of the population, and coveted by the other half.

An organ, shrouded in mystery and secrecy.

One which is so awe-inspiring, it can render one reverent, and engender fervent maddening worship at the shrine of its wondrousness.

Intoxicating, and inspiring, like a fragrant exotic flower that only blooms once a year under the full moon, in the middle of an abandoned oasis that one happens upon after a solitary soul-destroying walk in the cruel, sun-scarred desert.

*I get carried away sometimes, forgive me*

Ah yes, it is an organ that nourishes, and revives!

One which sings the secret notes of the symphony of seduction, and one which delivers a monstrous roar when its almighty power is displayed at the debut of a life.

All hail the Vagina!

Say it with me: VAGINA.

Composed of thrilling folds of furled flesh, it is moist and inviting, dangerous and exciting!

Like a precious jewel guarded at the top of a tall tower, the vagina is hidden away at the pinnacle of two silky inner thighs...

"Oh my!" I  hear you sigh...

I'm sighing too....but for a different reason...

You see, this organ, this mighty, mystical, gorgeous organ that is everything I have described,
is also grossly misunderstood by both its owners, and those invited to relish in the pleasures of its inner sanctum.

A very young, conservative couple came to visit me in the GP office one day.

After a year of marriage, and one year of religious oral contraceptive use, they had decided that it was time to try and make a child.

I admired her for being brave enough to let the sperm germs infect her uterus, and was keen to help this young couple conceive.

They seemed well equipped to raise a child together, but had come to me for the sole purpose that they believed that she was infertile.

And they believed that she was infertile for two reasons:

  1. After one month of trying she was still not pregnant.
  2. After one month of trying her vagina was still not sucking up every single last drop of semen after ejaculation, in fact it was still allowing all the semen to leak back out and dribble down her inner thigh instead of hoovering it all up into the uterus. Silly vagina!
Yes, you may read that second reason again if you have to. 

Because I am a kind doctor, I pinched myself really hard on my own inner thigh to stop from laughing, and drew anatomically correct diagrams of the machinations of the vagina in order to explain to them that its roof was not like the vacuum attachment they had on the hoover at home!

Which got me thinking, if vacuum cleaners are complex enough to need an instruction manual,then perhaps the vagina needs one too ???


Femgineer said...

Boy... I guess they missed sex ed

Stupidosaur said...

Sorry for my lack of artistic perception, but the photograph looks more like goat's ears around a pig's nostril, behind a cheetah's head sitting on top of a cow's head wearing horse's mini-reins without a bridle.

If it is a vagina, I guess I totally misunderstood it. Oh wait! That was the whole point of the post, right ;)?

BTW, when I read this,

"Ah yes, it is an organ that nourishes, and revives!",

I manage to identify correct half of population, but wrong organ.

Revive could make sense for the 'other half of the population', but I think we are snatching away credit of nourishing from the uterus here. Unless you meant the system as a whole!


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