Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sex Ed


These are all nasty nasty genital diseases tramsmitted when doing the nasty nasty dance of love. They even sound nasty when you say them.

I know that when I say them it feels like I have yellow green pus dripping out my mouth instead of words. Eeeugh! I think the words affect me in this way because I've actually seen these things up close. ( And no, my darling hubby, while diagnosing patients, not myself I assure you!)

The awesome awesome thing is though...that they can all be prevented by that simple invention - the condom!

Apparently condom use is being taught in schools as part of sex education or life skills or guidance class or whatever it's being called nowadays.

Apparently, it's even being taught in preschool. Yes, preschool.

How do I know this? Because during the clinic, one of my hypertensive diabetic patients brought her 4 year old grandchild into the consulting room with her.
This child, petrified that I might bring out a long needle to inject into its bum, sat very still and did not say a word. That is, until the end of the consultation, when he walked past a box full of government issue prophylactics, turned around beaming, and gleefully shouted, "Condoms! Yay!"

Granny was very proud as she marched him out of the room.

What?!?!?! Is this normal? For a four year old to know what a condom is? Should I be happy that our kids are so well educated about sex or should I be sad that they have a very small chance at innocence before reality blows that out the water.

I don't know, I'm very confused right now. To take my mind off it I googled the different names for condoms and this is what I found, it's too hilarious:

Bob - (why Bob?)

Cock Sock (apt)

Condominium (hee hee)

Condomus Maximus ( oh yeah sure buddy, it's the biggest we've EVER seen)





French Letter ( so elegant)

Gentleman's Jerkin

The Goalie ( ha ha! I love this one, can you see the goalie frantically trying to prevent millions of soccer ball sized spermatazoa from entering the cervix? I love it.)


Hazmat Suit

Jimmie Hatz



Johnny Bag

Love Glove

Love Sock

Mr. Prevention

Nodding Sock





Robber Johnnies


Rubber Magic

Rubber Straitjacket


Salami Sling

Sex Shark Warmer ( what?)


Snake Charmer

The Tour Guide

Willie Hat

Willie Warmer

"English Riding Coat."

Denmark - Gummimand­ "Rubberman,"

Hungary - Ovsver "Safety Tool,"

Hong Kong - Pei Dang Vi "Bulletproof Vest,"

Portugal - Camisa De Venus "Venus Shirt,"

Nigeria - Okpuamu "Penis Hat,"

Indonesia - Koteca "Penis Gourd,"

Spain - globo "Balloon."

courtesy of:

1 comment:

Muammil said...

I prefer 'Making the beast with two backs'. Thanks Shakespeare. You rocked.


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