Pages

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Baby Fat

A few days ago two young parents brought their baby in for a consultation.

They were so terribly worried that their pigtailed 2-year old child had a runny nose.

When I looked at the child I nearly fainted.

"How many children do you have?" I asked them nervously.

"Just this cute little one." The dad beamed proudly.

"You're lying!" I almost screamed at him! "You actually had THREE kids and this child ATE the other two!"

This kid was the size of three kids.

What in the hell were they feeding this child?

Fried fat wrapped in pastry covered in cream, basted with lard and a side-order of baby?

And she had that hungry look in her eyes.

I examined her very quickly with my left hand.

The left one I was prepared to lose in case she desired a quick snack.

The right was too precious to risk.

Nothing wrong with your child, folks, except that she's morbidly obese.

I explained to the parents the horrors of this delicious death trap they were setting for their little one, and how I would be referrring them to a dietitian for expert advice.

All the while I kept one eye nervously on Junior, and one hand gripping my patella hammer in case she decided to attack me.

With each stomp around my consulting room desk her pendulous belly rippled and a tsunami of fat travelled infero-superiorly up her abdomen, threatening to engulf her head, but then thankfully richocheted off the two Dolly-Parton-sized fat pads that should have been her chest.

It took all my strength not to jump through the window behind my desk and run for the hills screaming that The Blob was going to eat us all!

Baby fat is cute.

Obese fat baby monsters are not.

10 comments:

Fadeelah said...

Hahaha, entertaining as always. :)

Ketan said...

Your hospital had a dietician for children?!!

And I used to think you used to work in an ill-equipped, poorly staffed community hospital.

And why did you have to nearly faint? I'm sure your blog post would have been a lot more interesting had you actually fainted, provided the baby did not become fatter on your account. ;)

Actually, very hilarious post. Congratulations! Especially, baby eating the other two siblings. ;)

I guess, I had read WHO/UN has strongly advised against using milk-based baby food supplements (like cerelac/farex), etc., because they are very high in sodium and triglycerides, and cause hypertension in adulthood. India has banned advertising of such food supplements.

In India, it is a matter of pride for parents if their child would be chubby (read, obese).

I have responded to your comment on my "unfair" post based on Bollwyood Hindi dialogues, with translations for three jokes. :)

TC.

Dr S. said...

Hey Ketan - remember I've left the state-hospitals behind and am now a mere gp in private practice so I can refer to private specialists as I wish!
(Who are only too happy to take the referrals, unlike the poor overworked specialists in the state.)

Will check out your translations soon!

Anonymous said...

Dear Dr S

I have to confess that I am an avid fan of your stories and it far more interesting than the CSI, ER and Grubbs programmes on TV. You such a pretty doctor. With lots of love Blossom, Buttercup and the other one.

Muammil said...

Good.

Muammil said...

Good.

Dr S. said...

Wow Mo: Your praise is EXCESSIVE this time. Jeez, verbosity is not the way to go! :)

Anon: The other one is Bubbles! (shame on you!) Please send lots of kisses to the powerpuff (non-obese,beautifully healthy) girls! Ask those three for ideas on how to pull the same amounts of cash that CSI and the rest of those shows pull...

Alia said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Miracle Drug said...

what if the kid had a medical problem?

hormonal obesity?

did u consider that?

Miracle Drug said...

what if the kid had a medical problem?

hormonal obesity?

did u consider that?

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails