There was nothing wrong with today. A pretty average day in the trauma unit. I mean, to be honest, all things considered, it was a pretty damn GOOD day. These are today's reasons to be grateful in trauma:
1: Nobody died.
2: We had clean linen on the examination beds.
3: There was...wait for it...pink liquid soap IN the soap dispenser!
4: AND you'll never believe it, actual paper towel for me to dry my hands with!
I am not making this shit up! It really happened.
And yet, I am as cranky as my tik-addicted patients on a Sunday morning come down.
I have no patience with the patients today.
They are all irritating me endlessly. Why ? Why? Why!!!!!
Why are you calling me "sister"? I'm the fucking doctor. Perhaps you didn't notice my white coat, stethoscope and badge that says DOCTOR. Yes, I have tits and a vagina. These types of people can also be doctors.
Why do you insist on calling me "sweetheart" and touching me inappropriately you toothless-possibly-impotent-lecherous old fart? Do I look like your girlfriend? OR do I look like a professional with 8 years of medicine behind her. I will stab you in the eye with my pen and then shove the biggest catheter I can find up your urethra and then you'll know not to flirt with a pissed off lady DOCTOR.
Why do I have to explain things five times and in three languages before you understand that you take TWO panados FOUR times a day and not FOUR panados TWO times a day.
Why is everyone on tik?
Why are you speaking to me WHILE I am busy examining a patient. Do NOT interrupt my consultation!
Why do you, Mr Diabetic, suffer for four weeks with a festering pus filled sore before you come to see me? Now I have to be the bad guy and tell you we might need to amputate.
Why are you asking me for sick notes when it says on your folder that you are unemployed? NO! I am not putting you off for three weeks just because you have an STD. STOP fucking around without condoms.
Why didn't you notice that your child had gastro so that I don't have to bring your kid back from the brink of a dehydrated death, AGAIN.
Why, you stupid woman, didn't you know that you were pregnant. Are you mentally deficient? Sex+no contraception+no period = BABY. Get it?
Why hasn't the damn doctor that has seen you every 6 months for the last ten years noticed that you have HEART FAILURE. His fuck up is now my problem. I HATE you you idiot doctor. When I find you, I will stab you in the throat for your sins.
Why is your husband beating you with an iron rod? Your arm is broken. Oh, I see that you've been here before with a broken pelvis...same story. LEAVE HIM - don't you see you're worth more than this shit.
Stop looking at me with such trusting hope in your eyes. I'm not God. I'm not an angel. I'm not a magician. I'm just a human. Please don't hate me for just being a human.
Stop complaining that you've been waiting for four hours to see me. It's not like I've been sitting on my ass playing with my navel while you were outside. Chronic back ache is not as urgent as meningitis. Take it up with our government.
And by the way FUCK YOU government. What are you doing to help these people. to me it looks like NOTHING. You promised to build a brand new state of the art facility with greater capacity for care. You published it in the papers. You gave us hope. We're still waiting...assholes.
Like I said...I'm very irritated today.
Sister B wants to know if she can test my urine. She's convinced my irritability stems from the fact that I'm probably pregnant.